I'm having a very educational day. I've learned two ways to make a do-loop NOT run: either you can require 1 to be not equal to 1 before entering the loop, or you can not increment the variable that you're looping over. Fascinating, eh?

Better it is to live one day seeing the rise and fall of things than to live a hundred years without ever seeing the rise and fall of things.

--The Dhammapada

I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us.... If God is for us, who can be against us? Who will bring any charge against those whom God has chosen? It is God who justifies. Who is he that condemns?... Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God.

--from Romans 8, NIV

First and last alike receive your reward;
rich and poor, rejoice together!
Sober and slothful, celebrate the day!
You that have kept the fast, and you that have not,
rejoice today for the Table is richly laden!

--from the Easter Sermon of St. John Chrysostomos (~400 AD) (a couple of weeks after its time)

Joy isn't dependent on getting things, or on the world going the way you want, or on people behaving the way they should, or on their giving you all the things you like and want. Joyfulness isn't dependent upon anything but your own willingness to be generous, kind, and loving. It's that mature experience of giving, sharing, and developing the science of goodness. Virtue is the joy we can experience in this human realm. So, although what society is doing or what everyone else is doing is beyond my control--I can't go around making everything how I want it--still, I can be kind, generous, and patient, and do good, and develop virtue. That I can do, and that's worth doing, and not something anyone can stop me from doing. However rotten or corrupted society is doesn't make any difference to our ability to be virtuous and to do good.

--Ajahn Sumedho

If you let go a little you will have a little peace; if you let go a lot you will have a lot of peace; if you let go completely you will have complete peace.

--Ajahn Chah

east rock, sunset

the glow fades
the rock remains

Some time ago--it must be several years ago, now--on one of those days when my lungs were rebelling at the very idea of being forced to continue to draw breath (you know the kind of day I mean--don't pretend that you don't) I went and hid in the bathroom in the basement. There I saw the following message:




At the time it made me laugh and cry and feel grateful that even inanimate objects were lining up to give me advice. Lately, though, I've been feeling like I've had enough of pushing. I'd rather take a different piece of advice from the same source.





Just rest.

walk

Yesterday morning I went for a walk up East Rock.




It's still very much an Easter Saturday time of year. You have to look very closely to see any sign of buds on the trees. And yet I never doubt that someday--someday soon--the trees will be green again. Why then do I doubt that my heart will find peace?

eek!

Now this feels like stepping into the void. I just registered for this fall's three-month retreat at the IMS. Yes sirree. Eighty-four days of silence. I knew I had to look into it more seriously when I was describing it to D the other day and realized that I was all but jumping up and down with excitement. (I've written earlier about one of my previous experiences there.)

Of course, this may not be the year I get to do this. I've applied for a job in Vancouver, and if I do get that I'll have to start in September. In that case I'll go to IMS for a week or two in the summer--but I must go. That much is non-negotiable.

I can't decide whether this is a smart thing to be doing or not. As Spinal Tap reminds us, "It's such a fine line between stupid and clever." Either this is bad juju because it's telling the universe that I'm not 100% committed to the idea of being a professor and taking this job, or by making this plan I'm inviting the universe to continue to thwart my plans--and of course the most efficient way for the universe to thwart this particular plan would be to get me the job. --See? Either very, very clever, or very, very stupid.