Puss-in-boots, as told to my nephew

Once upon a time there was a simple young man who inherited nothing from his father but an old cat and a pair of boots. This young man had fallen in love with the daughter of a wealthy merchant, but although she loved him too, he knew that her father would never consent to her marrying a poor man.
He was sitting in front of his fire one night, bemoaning his fortune, when his cat said, "Do not fear, master. I know how to help you marry the woman you love."
The young man exclaimed, "Aaa! A talking cat!"
The end.

The joy of roommates

"Ah, you're done on the phone. Who was on the phone?"
"Me."
".....I meant the other end of the phone."